omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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