Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
