dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
