i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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