I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
