I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
