I wannas sexs uuuuu
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
