if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
