If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
