Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
