Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
