I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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