I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
