The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
