i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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