Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
