Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
