I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My ass is underappreciated
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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