i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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