he shaved USA in his pubs
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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