So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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