Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
