He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
