just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
