I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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