It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
