so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
