First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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