dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
