D3 body, D1 cock
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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