You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
