how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
