GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
