Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He passed out mid-signature
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
