im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
