it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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