Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
