I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dignity is for republicans.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
