I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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