Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
