no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
