Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
