Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
