the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
