now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
