gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
