He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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