does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
