Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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