if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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