I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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