Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
