We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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