I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
