he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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