Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
