I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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