Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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