Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
