i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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