Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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