Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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