He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
